Agreements vs Expectations - Consciously Committing

Understanding Expectations

Expectations are built on the belief that something will happen in the future. They are used by everyone and can sometimes lead to outcomes that are highly likely or almost certain. Unfortunately, this is not usually the case. Most expectations are formed with subjectivity, leading to imbalances that produce unrealistic outcomes. These expectations often stem from a desire for a person or situation to comply with a specific vision or standard of how things "should" be. They are one-sided, and there is typically a gap between the expectation and reality. Unspoken expectations are another sure way to cause frustration and almost always go unfulfilled. Simply communicating your expectations directly and clearly will not guarantee that someone will behave the way you want them to. Expectations without mutual agreement and buy-in from all parties are an unwarranted entitlement that will most likely end in disappointment, resentment, and a less-than-desired outcome.

Transitioning to Agreements

Transitioning from expectations to clear agreements can help avoid the pitfalls of unmet expectations and can be transformative in many aspects of your life. The shift from expectations to agreements promotes transparency, accountability, and mutual respect, leading to more fulfilling relationships, effective collaborations, and overall success.

Three Ways Expectations Show Up

1. What you expect of yourself
2. What you expect of others
3. What others expect of you

Creating clear agreements dissolves assumptions and allows you to make conscious choices with intentional commitment. They are co-created by two or more people who have something they want to accomplish and are willing to participate and do their part. Agreements give everyone more agency, where they willingly contribute to the process and are more likely to be invested in the outcome's success. They provide a framework for accountability and an implicit agreement among everyone involved. Agreements require thought, consideration, and everyone speaking up. If you don’t create agreements, you are leading others to believe you are okay with complying with a one-sided expectation.

Questions to Consider When Making an Agreement

• What do I/we want to accomplish?
• Why is it important?
• Have I/we made a realistic agreement?
• Who will do what, when, and how will we know?

Practices to Consider

Practice #1

• NOTICE: Where are you expecting other people to act exactly as you would like them to?
• REMEMBER: You CAN’T control the way people think, feel, or act; that is ultimately up to them. You can control how you think, feel, and act; that is always up to you.
• PRACTICE: Make agreements in areas where you feel disappointed, frustrated, and angry about something.

Practice #2

• NOTICE: Where are you basing your happiness, worth, and success on validation from other people?
• REMEMBER: You are either the creator of your life or the victim of it. Taking ownership of your happiness, worth, and success is always your choice. It is never too early or too late to begin.
• PRACTICE: Bring awareness to who, what, and where you are focusing and spending your time and energy. Notice how you feel and if it is positively or negatively affecting your overall happiness and success. Choose what you want more of.

Practice #3

• NOTICE: Hoping for the outcome you desire is one thing; getting fixated on it being perfect is an unrealistic expectation.
• REMEMBER: There will be different versions of your most desired outcome. Creating clear agreements with yourself will help you stay accountable for what you truly want to achieve.
• PRACTICE: Have fun with what you are trying to create and enjoy the journey. Commit to the process and know there will be learning lessons along the way.

Conclusion

Making the transition from expectations to agreements allows for a genuine commitment from everyone involved. It provides clarity and an open invitation for active participation toward achieving shared goals. Agreements allow you to take back ownership of your choices, eliminate empty promises, and solidify partnerships through trust and respect. You can make agreements in all areas of your life, improving collaboration and leading to more effective and sustainable outcomes.